The last few weeks have really been a whirlwind. But I figured in the interest of documenting my journey I’d report the mess that my life has become.

At work, we have had a series of turnovers that have shocked the system. Mistakes left and right. What can I compare it to? A toddler with a box of toys. He tips the box and the toys scatter on the floor. As the mother frantically picks up the toys to set them back in the box only to find that when she turns her back the toddler tips the box and the toys scatter across the floor anew. I reached a new level of frustration before I finally decided that ITS NOT MY PROBLEM! Even the new president has told me in the past that he doesn’t understand why I continue to hold on.

So…. The past week I’ve practiced at disconnecting myself. The problems just keep getting worse and I’m choosing to walk away. I can’t be everything to everyone. Founder of the company passed away 5 months ago and I am mother to only 1 toddler. (Who is a toddler no more, thank god) He is the one I need to focus on.

Finished LEEWS. Finished Law Preview (LP). And I want to read thru GTM a little more carefully this week. I think I’m beginning to understand the mystique of law school and I’m really not that scared or worried about it anymore. I am giving it the respect it deserves. LP sent its students a law school calendar to follow each day during the fall semester. The schedule has its students doing 12 hrs worth of work a day including classroom time except fridays (6 hrs). 56 hours a work week and an adtl 8-12 hours on the weekend.  So I’ve been formulating my own schedule that I hope to fine tune once I get my class schedule.

Awake 7am
Trooper school 8am
Law School 830p-500p
Trooper school 530p
Dinner/trooper time 600p-900p
Law School HW 930-1130p

Awake 8am
Law school hw 830-1230
Trooper Time 1pm – 7pm
Law school hw 730-1130pm

This schedule gives me 10 hrs a work day and 8 hrs per weekend day. 66 total hours of study time during the week. Still leaving plenty of time for trooper and I. It is not a significant change to our schedule right now and trooper is happy with it.

My intention is to front load my semester, take my notes during reading time at night, read between classes, and only fill in the gaps of information during class. Attention to professor style and nuggets.  Finish my outlines early and practice practice practice exams. I’m excited about the fact that I have a plan of action for law school. I never worried this much about college. I dropped out of high school did my GED and still finished top 6% of my undergrad class (T50) with hard work. No plan of action.

Anyway, I’m just not worried about it anymore. My 1L social interaction will consist exclusively  of trooper time and interactions with other moms and I’m perfectly ok with that.

Well my relationship with my ex has gotten a lot better. We are friends. And I’m going to miss him when I leave. But I’ll call him everyday as part of my trooper time so trooper can talk to his dad. We will not be back until December.

Oh and I recently got into a fight with my sister. During my niece’s first birthday I did the same shit I always do (nothing). Same shit I did during the baptism and during every other party my sister has had. (Wedding). I was just a reg guest. Well apparently I was supposed to divine that it was unacceptable this time around and she said she was disappointed in me and a lot of other hurtful things. I realized that I just can’t please everyone. Decided to cancel this ridiculous going away party that her and my mother were planning and plan my own thing according to what would make me happy. I have nothing else to add to this except I just want to leave this city. I have zero expectations of anyone in my life yet I am the unfortunate benefactor of unnamed expectations and no matter what I do I manage to disappoint… I have so much to write about disappointment.. but I’ll end it here. I cant seem to express what I’m feeling without dragging the past into the light.

My response is to distance myself. From her and everyone else.  I love them and always will. But they are the source of much heart ache, drama, and frustration. Oh and I’m tired of living in the closet.

I’m moving in 2 weeks. Fucking finally!

I haven’t packed anything but I’m going to buy boxes this weekend to pack up the bathroom. I’m not really bringing anything. Just my clothes, trooper’s clothes and some bathroom stuff. Buying all my furniture brand new. Lease starts August 11th and on friday after reviewing my lease I realized it starts at 4pm. So I’ve had to change around my entire trip.


Distractions & Plan of Action

I have had a series of distractions the last couple of weeks. Mostly due to the fact that I am leaving an awesome city behind and I want to enjoy every moment I am here. I’ve been (admittedly) doing way too much partying. This is great for some people, but it always seems to take a lot out of me. It takes me days to recover from a night of partying. A very helpful TLS poster, (who went through 1L at my school an subsequently transferred out) told me this about drinking & partying that I plan to take to heart:

“It’s really easy to break the curve if you don’t go out drinking regularly! About 70% of (insert law school I am attending) drinks really heavily. “

I really didn’t start drinking until I was 23. I feel no desire to consume alcohol. I do it for the social aspect of it. Considering the effect it has on me and the fact that it may directly/indirectly impact my grades.,I am promising myself that there will be ZERO alcohol when I move to my new city ( or at least until after my last final exam in December.)

This does not mean I will not participate in social activities, it does mean I will not drink.

Onto whatever little 0L progress I have made so far…

I have decided to issue deadlines for myself to keep me on track since I am running out of time.

1. LEEWS: I got through the first two modules of LEEWS (2 out of 8). I feel like I rushed through the second module so my intention is to go back and redo this module before I move forward. My plan is to finish LEEWS this week. I would like to complete LEEWS before I start Law Preview so I can compare and contrast methods during my week in Law Preview. I will also outline LEEWS for my 1L reference after I complete the course. Deadline: June 27th

2. LAW PREVIEW: Law Preview sent me the course book and apparently I need to read half of this 100 page book before the course starts. Geeez, what have I gotten myself into!? After finishing LEEWS, I plan to focus exclusively on Law Preview. The course starts July 12th so I have two weeks after I finish LEEWS to knock it out. Deadline: July 11th

3.GTM: I’m half way through GTM. I read the beginning and ending of the book for useful study methods I can use to hit the ground running on day 1. I have not read the middle because after trying…I understood very little. I feel that I need to get a good grip over legal concepts before I genuinely understand what the author is trying to convey in those middle chapters. My plan is to revisit GTM after my week in Law Preview and outline GTM (for my reference) chapter by chapter when I’m done with the book so I can easily reference it throughout my 1L. Deadline: August 1st

4. GTFGTLJOYD:  I have read nothing but amazing things from the book “Guerrilla Tactics for Getting the Legal Job of Your Dreams”. Since my plan is to stay in the DC area I’d like to have a game plan for finding my 1L summer job in DC from day 1. Having no ties to this city, I can use whatever help I can get my hands on.                            Deadline: August 8th

As law school approaches, my goal is to bring myself back into study mode while simultaneously easing my anxiety regarding what I can expect in law school. I do not expect (necessarily) that my 0L efforts will be rewarded with an A. My sole expectation is collect some good study methods so that I am not 100% clueless on Day 1. Let’s shoot for only 90% clueless.

So you’re telling me there’s a chance…YEAH!

A couple of months ago I received an email from the dean of my law school that 14 rising 1Ls would be chosen by a v25 firm to receive a scholarship to attend a Law Preview course for FREE. See LP. The cost of the 6 day program is $1200?

Candidates wishing to be considered were required to fill out an application and complete a scholarship essay on diversity. I honestly had no hope of being selected but you cannot hope to hit the ball if you don’t go up to bat. Sooo I spent a full weekend last month writing the required diversity essay and submitted it mid-month. In the meantime I took the opportunity to research the firm and I discovered that they hire 1Ls!!!! Wow! This is a potential networking opportunity, if this firm cares enough to sponsor a Law Preview course, and on the off chance that I actually do well 1L year, there could be some opportunity to network for a 1L spot in they have any for summer 2011. (Recalling the scene in the movie Dumb and Dumber where the girl tells Jim Carrey that there is a one in a million chance that she would ever date him – his response – ‘So you’re telling me there’s a chance!!’) . lol

On Friday I spoke to a fellow rising 1L and this person told me that they were selected for the scholarship!!! I was not surprised that I was not chosen.. with only 14 students it must be very competitive. I congratulated the student and mentally wrote-off any hope of receiving this scholarship. At the very least I hoped that I had not said something stupid in my statement to the firm that would in any way preclude me from applying to their 2L summer class. (I envisioned it going something like this:  “Oh here’s the silly girl that sent us that ridiculous diversity statement back in 2010” – followed by pretentious office laughter).

Well… yesterday I was walking into the court house to wrap up some last minute family issues concerning the trooper before I leave the state and my phone rings. AND GUESS WHAAAAAT!?


Cross out Sum & Substance from my list below for my menial 0L substance review, I’ll be attending Law Preview next month!! This may or may not be beneficial to my 1L studies but at the very least it will give me networking opportunity to have a one and a million shot to make contact with the firm.