The last few weeks have really been a whirlwind. But I figured in the interest of documenting my journey I’d report the mess that my life has become.
At work, we have had a series of turnovers that have shocked the system. Mistakes left and right. What can I compare it to? A toddler with a box of toys. He tips the box and the toys scatter on the floor. As the mother frantically picks up the toys to set them back in the box only to find that when she turns her back the toddler tips the box and the toys scatter across the floor anew. I reached a new level of frustration before I finally decided that ITS NOT MY PROBLEM! Even the new president has told me in the past that he doesn’t understand why I continue to hold on.
So…. The past week I’ve practiced at disconnecting myself. The problems just keep getting worse and I’m choosing to walk away. I can’t be everything to everyone. Founder of the company passed away 5 months ago and I am mother to only 1 toddler. (Who is a toddler no more, thank god) He is the one I need to focus on.
Finished LEEWS. Finished Law Preview (LP). And I want to read thru GTM a little more carefully this week. I think I’m beginning to understand the mystique of law school and I’m really not that scared or worried about it anymore. I am giving it the respect it deserves. LP sent its students a law school calendar to follow each day during the fall semester. The schedule has its students doing 12 hrs worth of work a day including classroom time except fridays (6 hrs). 56 hours a work week and an adtl 8-12 hours on the weekend. So I’ve been formulating my own schedule that I hope to fine tune once I get my class schedule.
Trooper school 8am
Law School 830p-500p
Trooper school 530p
Dinner/trooper time 600p-900p
Law School HW 930-1130p
Law school hw 830-1230
Trooper Time 1pm – 7pm
Law school hw 730-1130pm
This schedule gives me 10 hrs a work day and 8 hrs per weekend day. 66 total hours of study time during the week. Still leaving plenty of time for trooper and I. It is not a significant change to our schedule right now and trooper is happy with it.
My intention is to front load my semester, take my notes during reading time at night, read between classes, and only fill in the gaps of information during class. Attention to professor style and nuggets. Finish my outlines early and practice practice practice exams. I’m excited about the fact that I have a plan of action for law school. I never worried this much about college. I dropped out of high school did my GED and still finished top 6% of my undergrad class (T50) with hard work. No plan of action.
Anyway, I’m just not worried about it anymore. My 1L social interaction will consist exclusively of trooper time and interactions with other moms and I’m perfectly ok with that.
Well my relationship with my ex has gotten a lot better. We are friends. And I’m going to miss him when I leave. But I’ll call him everyday as part of my trooper time so trooper can talk to his dad. We will not be back until December.
Oh and I recently got into a fight with my sister. During my niece’s first birthday I did the same shit I always do (nothing). Same shit I did during the baptism and during every other party my sister has had. (Wedding). I was just a reg guest. Well apparently I was supposed to divine that it was unacceptable this time around and she said she was disappointed in me and a lot of other hurtful things. I realized that I just can’t please everyone. Decided to cancel this ridiculous going away party that her and my mother were planning and plan my own thing according to what would make me happy. I have nothing else to add to this except I just want to leave this city. I have zero expectations of anyone in my life yet I am the unfortunate benefactor of unnamed expectations and no matter what I do I manage to disappoint… I have so much to write about disappointment.. but I’ll end it here. I cant seem to express what I’m feeling without dragging the past into the light.
My response is to distance myself. From her and everyone else. I love them and always will. But they are the source of much heart ache, drama, and frustration. Oh and I’m tired of living in the closet.
I’m moving in 2 weeks. Fucking finally!
I haven’t packed anything but I’m going to buy boxes this weekend to pack up the bathroom. I’m not really bringing anything. Just my clothes, trooper’s clothes and some bathroom stuff. Buying all my furniture brand new. Lease starts August 11th and on friday after reviewing my lease I realized it starts at 4pm. So I’ve had to change around my entire trip.